today has been full of quite the mixed feelings of emotion. i dont even know if that sentence is correct. oh well. in public speaking today we had to give impromtu speeches. I didn't get to do mine today but that will come soon enough.. yikes. one however stood out to me in a very profound way. it made a lot of sense to me and is something that i have been dealing with and is very much apart of me. for our the assignment you have to go to the front of the classroom and my teacher gives you a quote. from that quote you have to come up with a speech on the spot for two minutes. one of them said as follows: "sampson killed a 1000 philistines with the jawbone of an ass, today even more relationships are killed with the same thing" something to that effect. i dont think this applies to just romantic relationships where deep feelings are involved. it applies to friendships and relationships with family members. ive pretty much destroyed a relationship doing this. i dont feel like im the only one to blame but i was a major chunk i believe. i dont think things will ever be the same which brings me great sadness and despair. the speaker went on to give his impromptu speech and it stood out to me very brightly. almost hit me in the face. he said sometimes we have to take a step back and evaluate ourselves in all kinds of relationships and ask ourselves what does this relationship mean to me? what is my role in this relationship? he said we need to decide for ourselves to be the bigger person for the sake of the relationship. im not a very big person in this way. my feelings are pretty sensitive. they get more sensitive when others point them out. but i feel like i can start do as this anonymous speaker spoke of. i feel like the key is to stop thinking about our own feelings. stop thinking about ourselves. i do this all too often. a goal of mine is to not focus on myself from now until may 27, 2011. and hopefully after that as well but especially during this time. pretty much im like a black hole that is never satisfied.. constantly needing nourishment sucking the life out of all that is around me. learned that in astronomy today too. black holes destroy all around them. their gravitational pull inward is so strong and vibrant not even light can escape it. it gets bigger and bigger the more it devours. i hate the way i am. i know others do too. but i wont be like that anymore. i cant. i wont. for the sake of my mission i wont. for the sake of good people i wont. how can i be an effective teacher and example when i only see inwardly. i cant. i learned a lot today. i hope i dont forget it any time soon...
star it is
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