i will survive

soon i shall embark on a journey. a journey that will be filled with danger. i am heading to the dreaded logan. a place where the beer flows like honey and professors aren't afraid to hop in the sauna with naked boys. yes this journey will be perilous and frightful.. but i feel like i can make it out alive. if im lucky.. many a friend of mine have lost there ways traveling to logan. theres just something about logan that screams punk rock princess...or softy if you will. and im not sure what it is but it drags you down into the depths.. i will survive my friends. i will beat this beast that will soon be upon me. the beast that is logan utah. people arent afraid of their sexuality there... i mean no one is hiding in the closet down there in logan.. ha.. however there is one tradition that only logan has to offer that i feel is a very prominent tradition. one that i feel i may take part in on my journey. and that tradition is the ulitimate aggie. ha. true aggie is good... but is it ulitimate? i think not. well wish me luck my friends. i will return shortly and tell you of my tales

60 second poems with levi

Ive decided to spice up B-Bloggity Blawesome for you my fans out there. So to add a little spice to this already happenin blog know as B-Bloggity Blawesome possum awesome rawsome, I'm going to add a little something called "60 second poems with levi" and will occasional add a poem that i have written. These ain't no rip offs folks. These are genuine and come straight from the nogan of mister Ball. So if anyone feels like I am plagerizing professional poets.. please.. your just wasting everyones time. let the games begin. other bloggerz may join in if they would like to.

60 second poem numero uno titled: elevator fun.
ohhhhh fun.
fun in the sun.
for everyone.

could it be better?
maybe with cheddar. cheese?
but doubtful..

started with Bean.
made a big scene
now its serene

ate some pizza.
yeah.. just ate some pizza.

could have been great
with elevator fate
another date? :)

ended with OC
rhymes with wussy..
which rhymes with, sam?

ohhhhh fun.
fun in the sun.
for everyone.

My shoulders hurt.

over and out.

hola B-Bloggity Blawesome-ers? out there

this is B-Bloggity Blawesome here reporting for duty. just got a few announcements to make. one to all my B-Bloggity Blawesome fans out there just want to clarify i dont hate life haha. im a pretty big fan of it actually. just wanted to clarify.. my posts seem a little.. iffy.. ha. and im not gothic. and the second announcement goes to one miss mandy allen. sure hope you dont take any of my blogs the wrong way. pretty much i still got the hots for you.. not pretty much. i got the hots for you still. so just a little recap for those of you just tuning in to B-Bloggity Blawesome in the morning. im not a freak. just get a little lost in this thing i call a head sometimes. sometimes i pick up channels i dont really want to with these big ears of mine. ha. that was supposed to be a joke. i dont hate life is basically what im trying to say. also. I GOT THE HOTS FOR MANDY ALLEN. This is B-Bloggity Blawesome saying i just slept through all my classes and am still in bed. over and out.

blogs too deep

black hole? or star. i prefer star...

today has been full of quite the mixed feelings of emotion. i dont even know if that sentence is correct. oh well. in public speaking today we had to give impromtu speeches. I didn't get to do mine today but that will come soon enough.. yikes. one however stood out to me in a very profound way. it made a lot of sense to me and is something that i have been dealing with and is very much apart of me. for our the assignment you have to go to the front of the classroom and my teacher gives you a quote. from that quote you have to come up with a speech on the spot for two minutes. one of them said as follows: "sampson killed a 1000 philistines with the jawbone of an ass, today even more relationships are killed with the same thing" something to that effect. i dont think this applies to just romantic relationships where deep feelings are involved. it applies to friendships and relationships with family members. ive pretty much destroyed a relationship doing this. i dont feel like im the only one to blame but i was a major chunk i believe. i dont think things will ever be the same which brings me great sadness and despair. the speaker went on to give his impromptu speech and it stood out to me very brightly. almost hit me in the face. he said sometimes we have to take a step back and evaluate ourselves in all kinds of relationships and ask ourselves what does this relationship mean to me? what is my role in this relationship? he said we need to decide for ourselves to be the bigger person for the sake of the relationship. im not a very big person in this way. my feelings are pretty sensitive. they get more sensitive when others point them out. but i feel like i can start do as this anonymous speaker spoke of. i feel like the key is to stop thinking about our own feelings. stop thinking about ourselves. i do this all too often. a goal of mine is to not focus on myself from now until may 27, 2011. and hopefully after that as well but especially during this time. pretty much im like a black hole that is never satisfied.. constantly needing nourishment sucking the life out of all that is around me. learned that in astronomy today too. black holes destroy all around them. their gravitational pull inward is so strong and vibrant not even light can escape it. it gets bigger and bigger the more it devours. i hate the way i am. i know others do too. but i wont be like that anymore. i cant. i wont. for the sake of my mission i wont. for the sake of good people i wont. how can i be an effective teacher and example when i only see inwardly. i cant. i learned a lot today. i hope i dont forget it any time soon...
star it is

thats just great. glad that one was successfully posted

well i just spent hours sorting through my feelings and thoughts and finally found what i thought to be some sort of peace and comfort that would finally put these feelings to rest but looks like it wasnt meant to be. i cant believe this.. ive never felt so much pain mentally and physically before in my life.

ive been racking my brain the past few hours trying to figure out what i can say to a certain someone that would just help her to realize. realize my struggles, my pains, my feelings. help her to realize the absolute affect she has on me. ive been walking up and down my apartment a lot. well more crutching than walking. ouch, armpits. even cried a little. i just want to say something that would make it all go away. something that would just be like... ahh..that feels so good. ha. (that "ahh" was like the ahh you make when your first get into a hot tub. or when you drink hot chocolate on a cold wintery frostbitten day) ive probably written out about 4 pages so far. of my frustrations and worries, doubts and wishes. then i realized nothing i can say is going to make me feel any better at this point. nothing that comes from me will bring me any kind a gratification. someone else has to say it. and getting upset isnt going to soften anyones heart. sigh.. theres nothing more for me to say. theres nothing left inside me to say.

why do minds think and react so differently? what is peace and comfort exactly? its different for everyone. i know one day, if i do what is expected of me. that all the peace and joy and happiness in the world and eternities will fill my soul above the rim like jakes over the top. i know that. but how will that happen exactly? will the desires of my heart be granted? or will my desires mold to fit what i have been given. or will we just all forgive and forget. literally. god said man cannot be saved in ignorance. but will ignorance be what saves us from despare, doubt, and wishful thinking. are we all just going to relax, in a way, from our scars and pains and just be happy. is heaven only heaven because those who are there have learned how to forgive and forget? so nothing really bothers them. so naturally its heaven. because its filled with happy people. so naturally its happy. i sure hope that isnt how it will be. for my sake.

i know im viewing life through a pin hole right now. i realize im just in a dark place and the future looks grim. i cant even begin to say i know what heaven is going to be like. because for one the scriptures say that heaven is beyond anyones imaginations. so if i can imagine it. its not nearly as good. that is one of the few thoughts that comfort soul the past few months. i get so bothered when some people dont do things i expect them to. but what i fail to realize is that what they arent doing, other people are. and i should be forever grateful for that. im mostly talking about my mom. she has been the real crutch of my life. she is my immovable rock and is the most amazing woman ive ever been priviledged to know. she's been so kind to me. checking up on my to see how my knee is feeling so much its almost annoying ha. i have nothing to be sad about. except my own inability to recognize eternal truths.
im done with this.. ha.
writing on this deep of a level that is. ive done too much of it lately. all it does is shrink my perspective. which is what separates us all i think.
so maybe ill talk to you all later haha. and by you all i mean mandy. cuz we both know your the only one reading this.